Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
by Larry Wilde
at 2008-05-20
Rating: 4.67 Votes: 6
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“For centuries men have kept an appointment with Christmas. Christmas means fellowship, feasting, giving and receiving, a time of good cheer, home.”
at 2008-08-06
Rating: 4.00 Votes: 2
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"Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year."
by P.J. O'Rourke
at 2008-05-20
Rating: 3.80 Votes: 5
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“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”
by Shirley Temple
at 2008-08-06
Rating: 3.75 Votes: 4
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
by Erma Bombeck
at 2008-05-20
Rating: 3.75 Votes: 4
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Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish.
by Benny Hill
at 2008-09-30
Rating: 3.50 Votes: 10
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The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
by Jay Leno
at 2008-09-30
Rating: 3.44 Votes: 9
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
by Johnny Carson
at 2008-05-20
Rating: 3.25 Votes: 4
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Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!"
by Charles Dickens
at 2008-12-01
Rating: 3.00 Votes: 3
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Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there would have been no gifts.
by Max Lucado, "God Came Near"
at 2008-09-03
Rating: 3.00 Votes: 2
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The threat of Christmas hung in the air, visible already in the fretful look of passersby as they readied themselves for the meaningless but necessary rites of false jovialities and ill-considered gifts.
by Peter Dickinson
at 2008-09-03
Rating: 3.00 Votes: 2
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People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.
by Ogden Nash
at 2008-09-30
Rating: 2.67 Votes: 6
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“I do like Christmas on the whole…. In its clumsy way, it does approach Peace and Goodwill. But it is clumsier every year.”
at 2008-08-06
Rating: 2.67 Votes: 3
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Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts.
at 2008-05-20
Rating: 2.50 Votes: 10
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There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.
by P.J. O'Rourke
at 2008-12-16
Rating: 1.50 Votes: 2
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The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
