There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.
by P.J. O'Rourke
at 2008-12-17
Rating: 2.43 Votes: 7
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The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
by Joan Rivers
at 2008-12-17
Rating: 3.18 Votes: 11
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Clark: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.
by Christmas Vacation (1989)
at 2008-12-17
Rating: 3.44 Votes: 9
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Clark: Well I'm gonna park the cars and get check the luggage, and well, I'll be outside for the season.
by Christmas Vacation (1989)
at 2008-12-17
Rating: 3.60 Votes: 5
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"It is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself"
by Charles Dickens
at 2008-12-09
Rating: 3.04 Votes: 27
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"It is the spirit of brotherhood in the cheer of Christmas that makes it so glorious. Brotherliness is but the manifestation of the spirit of Christ."
at 2008-12-09
Rating: 3.19 Votes: 16
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Christmas ... is not an eternal event at all, but a piece of one's home that one carries in one's heart.
by Freya Stark
at 2008-12-05
Rating: 2.90 Votes: 20
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Christmas - that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance - a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved.
by Augusta E. Rundel
at 2008-12-05
Rating: 2.52 Votes: 50
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Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!"
by Charles Dickens
at 2008-12-02
Rating: 3.14 Votes: 7
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Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish.
by Benny Hill
at 2008-12-02
Rating: 3.05 Votes: 37
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People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.
by Ogden Nash
at 2008-12-02
Rating: 2.33 Votes: 15
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We believe that all men are created equal because they are created in the image of God.
by Harry S. Truman
at 2008-12-02
Rating: 2.63 Votes: 19
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Begin to weave and God will give you the thread.
by Christian German Proverb
at 2008-12-02
Rating: 3.00 Votes: 19
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Schroeder: This is the music I've selected for the Christmas play.
[Schroeder plays Fur Elise]
Lucy Van Pelt: What kind of Christmas music is *that*?
Schroeder: Beethoven Christmas music.
Lucy Van Pelt: What has Beethoven got to do with Christmas? Everyone talks about how "great" Beethoven was.
Beethoven wasn't so great.
[Schroeder stops playing]
Schroeder: What do you mean Beethoven wasn't so great?
Lucy Van Pelt: He never got his picture on bubble gum cards, did he? Have you ever seen his picture on a bubble gum card? Hmmm? How can you say someone is great who's never had his picture on bubble gum cards?
Schroeder: Good grief.
by A Charlie Brown Christmas
at 2008-11-05
Rating: 3.67 Votes: 9
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Life is like that. Sometimes at the height of our reveries, when our joy is at its zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us.
by National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)
at 2008-11-05
Rating: 2.80 Votes: 5
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People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.
by Ogden Nash
at 2008-11-05
Rating: 1.56 Votes: 27
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The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
by Jay Leno
at 2008-11-05
Rating: 3.68 Votes: 28
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A Christmas candle is a lovely thing; It makes no noise at all, But softly gives itself away; While quite unselfish, it grows small.
by Eva K. Logue
at 2008-10-31
Rating: 2.69 Votes: 13
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Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; Teach us to be patient and always to be kind.
by Helen Steiner Rice
at 2008-10-31
Rating: 3.27 Votes: 15
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Christmas is the one time of year when you can count on smiling faces and bright lights and awesome gifts and giant twinkling trees and family reunions and childish games and believing in that old man that you know doesn't exist. Christmas is the time when dreams come true.
at 2008-10-31
Rating: 3.00 Votes: 20
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Christmas ... is not an eternal event at all, but a piece of one's home that one carries in one's heart...
by Freya Stark
at 2008-10-31
Rating: 3.31 Votes: 16
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Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love!
by Hamilton Wright Mabie
at 2008-10-29
Rating: 2.39 Votes: 38
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Best wishes for a happy and prosperous New Year.
at 2008-10-29
Rating: 2.79 Votes: 34
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Mr. Parker: What is the name of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse?
Mother: Ah... Victor! His name is Victor.
Mr. Parker: How the hell did you know that?
Mother: Everybody knows that!
by "A Christmas Story", 1983
at 2008-10-29
Rating: 3.20 Votes: 5
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Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!"
