Schroeder: This is the music I've selected for the Christmas play.
[Schroeder plays Fur Elise]
Lucy Van Pelt: What kind of Christmas music is *that*?
Schroeder: Beethoven Christmas music.
Lucy Van Pelt: What has Beethoven got to do with Christmas? Everyone talks about how "great" Beethoven was.
Beethoven wasn't so great.
[Schroeder stops playing]
Schroeder: What do you mean Beethoven wasn't so great?
Lucy Van Pelt: He never got his picture on bubble gum cards, did he? Have you ever seen his picture on a bubble gum card? Hmmm? How can you say someone is great who's never had his picture on bubble gum cards?
Schroeder: Good grief.
by A Charlie Brown Christmas
at 2008-11-05
Rating: 3.67 Votes: 9
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A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
by Garrison Keillor
at 2008-09-16
Rating: 3.67 Votes: 9
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
by Erma Bombeck
at 2008-05-21
Rating: 3.67 Votes: 6
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A Christmas candle is a lovely thing;
It makes no noise at all,
But softly gives itself away;
While quite unselfish, it grows small.
by Eva K. Logue
at 2008-05-21
Rating: 3.65 Votes: 31
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Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
by Norman Vincent Peale
at 2008-08-07
Rating: 3.62 Votes: 26
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"Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year."
by P.J. O'Rourke
at 2008-05-21
Rating: 3.62 Votes: 13
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"In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'"
by Dave Barry
at 2008-08-20
Rating: 3.60 Votes: 10
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Clark: Well I'm gonna park the cars and get check the luggage, and well, I'll be outside for the season.
by Christmas Vacation (1989)
at 2008-12-17
Rating: 3.60 Votes: 5
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Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas.
by Dale Evans
at 2008-05-29
Rating: 3.59 Votes: 17
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At Christmas play and make good cheer,
For Christmas comes but once a year!
by Thomas Tusser
at 2008-05-21
Rating: 3.58 Votes: 26
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Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.
by Calvin Coolidge
at 2008-05-21
Rating: 3.54 Votes: 13
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As the Holiday Season is upon us, we find ourselves reflecting on the past year and on those who have helped to shape our business in a most significant way. We value our relationship with you and look forward to working with you in the year to come. We wish you a very happy Holiday Season and a New Year filled with peace and prosperity.
at 2008-09-16
Rating: 3.52 Votes: 31
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Whatever else be lost among the years, Let us keep Christmas still a shining thing: Whatever doubts assail us, or what fears, Let us hold close one day, remembering Its poignant meaning for the hearts of men. Let us get back our childlike faith again.
by Grace Noll Crowell
at 2008-10-01
Rating: 3.50 Votes: 8
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Clark: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.
by Christmas Vacation (1989)
at 2008-12-17
Rating: 3.44 Votes: 9
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Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
by Norman Vincent Peale
at 2008-05-21
Rating: 3.41 Votes: 17
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“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”
by Shirley Temple
at 2008-08-07
Rating: 3.40 Votes: 5
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“There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries.”
by W.J. Cameron
at 2008-05-21
Rating: 3.35 Votes: 17
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“For centuries men have kept an appointment with Christmas. Christmas means fellowship, feasting, giving and receiving, a time of good cheer, home.”
at 2008-08-07
Rating: 3.33 Votes: 3
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Christmas ... is not an eternal event at all, but a piece of one's home that one carries in one's heart...
by Freya Stark
at 2008-10-31
Rating: 3.31 Votes: 16
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“A merry Christmas, uncle! God save you!” cried a cheerful voice. “Bah!” said Scrooge. “Humbug!”
by Charles Dickens
at 2008-05-21
Rating: 3.29 Votes: 7
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Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; Teach us to be patient and always to be kind.
by Helen Steiner Rice
at 2008-10-31
Rating: 3.27 Votes: 15
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Whatever else be lost among the years, Let us keep Christmas still a shining thing: Whatever doubts assail us, or what fears, Let us hold close one day, remembering its poignant meaning for the hearts of men. Let us get back our childlike faith again.
by Grace Noll Crowell
at 2008-09-16
Rating: 3.25 Votes: 4
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“For centuries men have kept an appointment with Christmas. Christmas means fellowship, feasting, giving and receiving, a time of good cheer, home.”
at 2008-05-21
Rating: 3.23 Votes: 13
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A Christmas gambol oft could cheer
The poor man's heart through half the year.
by Walter Scott
at 2008-05-21
Rating: 3.22 Votes: 18
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Mr. Parker: What is the name of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse?
Mother: Ah... Victor! His name is Victor.
Mr. Parker: How the hell did you know that?
Mother: Everybody knows that!
