There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.

We make a living by what we get but we make a life by what we give.

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.

Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas.

Clark: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

Christmas - that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance - a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved.

Clark: Well I'm gonna park the cars and get check the luggage, and well, I'll be outside for the season.

Yeah, there's a lot of bad 'isms' floatin' around this world, but one of the worst is commercialism. Make a buck, make a buck. Even in Brooklyn it's the same--don't care what Christmas stands for, just make a buck, make a buck.

"It is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself"

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.

Christmas - that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance--a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved.

Mr. Parker: What is the name of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse?
Mother: Ah... Victor! His name is Victor.
Mr. Parker: How the hell did you know that?
Mother: Everybody knows that!

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

Clark: Well I'm gonna park the cars and get check the luggage, and well, I'll be outside for the season.

May the Joy and Peace of Christmas be with you now and throughout the new year.